Don't Wait By The Phone

Back when I was dating in high school and college, no one had cell phones.  It wasn't that long ago!  I graduated from college in 2002.  When in a dating relationship with a boy in high school, my natural urge was to stay home and wait for the phone to ring.  My mother wouldn't allow it. 


"Don't you just sit around waiting for some boy to call.  Go out!  Have fun!  Call up a friend and go do something!   If he calls, he'll leave a message, and he'll enjoy pursing a girl who has her own interests and friends." 


My very wise mother never ever let me sit around pining for a boy.  Boys were to be friends and on-the-side entertainment--never the center of my or my sister's universes, which can happen so easily to a girl in love.  She invited boys to all of my elementary school birthday parties, and encouraged me to be friends with little boys.  I became perfectly comfortable around boys as I grew into a teenager.  I also understood them better than a lot of my girlfriends.  I didn't expect them to be great romantics filled with commitment and understanding at age 16.  I had a strong identity apart from boys.


My mother taught me not to put much stock into what a boy thought of me.  My self-worth came from Jesus Christ, and solid investment in my mom, dad, sister, brother, grandmas, and girlfriends, were lasting and worthwhile pursuits.  Boys, especially in high school and college, would float in and out of my life.  My mother taught me to not let them leave too much of an impact. 


No earnest emotional or physical attachment was to be made until I had an engagement ring.  My mother had no problem with me dating a few different boys at the same time, as long as I was guarding myself emotionally and physically.  If you are not physical with a boy, or letting your guard down emotionally with a boy, you may date as many boys as you like simultaneously.  You are becoming friends with them and evaluating them as potential fathers and mates. You are free as a bird ladies, until you have a ring on your finger.  This same sentiment is echoed in Elizabeth Elliot's Quest for Love and Passion and Purity.  I recommend you get them both and read them immediately!  Elliot knows her stuff.  I started with Passion and Purity on my personal dating journey, and immediately, I became hooked on Elizabeth Elliot's wisdom.  I think you will too.

 

Unfortunately, I didn't always follow my mother's advice.  I tried my hardest, but love got the best of me from time to time.  I got my heart broken, but I healed quickly under my mother's wisdom and care, along with Elizabeth Elliot's guidance from her books on love.


If you're single, don't answer every text.  Don't answer every call immediately.  Waiting the next day to return a call is perfectly acceptable and recommended!   Not until you have a ring do you need to be so responsive.  I'm quite serious.  Be respectful but not doting.  Be sweet, but slightly unavailable.  And for heaven's sake, don't call them to initiate a date.  When a boy makes the first move, that is already showing a considerable amount of commitment and interest in you.  If you ask him, he'll probably say "Sure." and think, "Why not?"  You definitely don't want to be a "Sure, why not."


Do as my mother says, "Go out!  Have fun!  Turn your phone off!"


If you're a mother of a young girl, start teaching her now about how to deal with boys.  What she says or does or wears should not be determined by what she believes a boy would like.  Teach your daughters to live life to the fullest.  If you like my mother's wisdom, make it your own, and never let a boy become your little girl's whole world.  Start to teach her now, and when the time comes that a boy shows an interest in her, she won't finally feel complete, she'll simply be amused.  That's what we're going for ladies.  Christ completes us and dating/courting is for evaluation and amusement.  Engagement and marriage is for devotion.


Thanks mom.